’Cause, to me at the time, the dangerous thing about going to the zoo without a grownup was one of the animals would eat you. But I just remember waiting … right here.

’Cause when the cops ﬁnally ﬁnd him he’s like on the r oute. And he was actually going the right direction, too, is the crazy thing. Got up all early, put some miles behind him before the sun came up, this kid was not playin’. We gotta get to the zoo.” And your mom looks at me like “zoo?” And I walk with her back to D’s room and that little baller has bounced. And I say, “He’s not still sleeping is he? So I clear my schedule for the next day.Īnd when I come over here in the morning your mom answers the door and she calls for D, and he doesn’t come. We goin’ to the zoo tomorrow -’cause you know how I do: I don’t like to miss events.

We’ve created this epic wild-animal gladiator battle-type scenario, and it’s getting kind of intense-so we’re on a break.Īnd we’re knockin’ back some KoolAids and whatnot, and allasudden he leans over all secretive and he’s like “I’m going to the zoo tomorrow.”Īnd I’m thinkin’-cool. So D was four.Īnd we’re playin’ Power Rangers. You were prolly too young to remember this. DONTRELL, WHO KISSED THE SEAĪ monologue from the play by Nathan Alan Davis Then when we’d finished, we got back in the cab and drove back to town. With all the other cows standing around in the dark, watching. And I was so relieved I had tears in my eyes.Īnd we hacked that cow to pieces, sawing, chopping, ripping. So you’ve got to cut it up there and then. See we’d gone all the way to Wales to rustle us a cow. And suddenly Dad slams his foot down and we ram this f***ing great cow clean over the top of the van.Īnd it tears off the bonnet and makes a great dent in the top, but it was dead all right. And we sit there in silence.Īnd there’s all these cows in the field, watching us. So we drive till it goes dark, and Dad pulls the van into this field. He’s going to take me off and kill me once and for all.’ And I sat there in silence all the way to Wales and I knew that day I was about to die. And a saw and a big meat cleaver.Īnd I thought ‘This is it. So I got in his van with him, and we drive off and I notice that in the front of the cab there’s this bag of big sharp knives. So he was always really busy working day and night, so like, this was totally out of the blue. He’s got this half share in this caff at the time, and it was doing really badly. ….I was about nine, bit younger, and my dad tells me we’re driving to the country for the day. MOJOĪ monologue from the play by Jez Butterworth I want you to pack your things, tie it up with your Saran Wrap and get out of here! We’re getting an annulment! Don’t you understand? I don’t want to live with you anymore. There’s only eight rooms and I know the short cuts. Head, stomach, or kidneys… It’s no use running, Felix. I’m asking you nicely, Felix… As a friend… Stay out of my way or let me get in one shot. When you want to come out, ring a bell and I’ll run into the bedroom. Live with your pots, your pans, your ladle, and your meat thermometer… My dearest and closest friend… And after three weeks of close, personal contact-I am about to have a nervous breakdown!…ĭo me a favor. All alone in eight rooms… I was dejected, despondent and disgusted… Because now I’m going to tell you off… For six months I lived alone in this apartment. Oh, that was the everloving lulu of all times. I got a typewritten list in my office of the “Ten Most Aggravating Things You Do That Drive Me Berserk”….īut last night was the topper. It took me three hours to figure out that F.U. I told you a hundred times, I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me…. It’s the talking in your sleep, it’s the moose calls that open your ears at two o’clock in the morning…. (talking to Felix) I’ll tell you exactly what it is.

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Short monologue funny